Enjoy Galt’s Gulch, Assholes

It’s final­ly hap­pen­ing: Our self-pro­claimed bet­ters are leav­ing for that big Lib­er­topia in the sky, or under the sea, or in space, or what­ev­er.

Per a report in Bloomberg on Thurs­day, data from staffing firm Chal­lenger, Gray, & Christ­mas shows that a “record” 181 tech CEOs have left their posts from Jan­u­ary 2019 through October—up 46 per­cent from the same 10-month time peri­od in 2018 and already 19 per­cent high­er than the total num­ber of 152 CEO depar­tures that year, Bloomberg wrote.

“The tech sec­tor is under­go­ing major changes due to an evolv­ing land­scape,” Chal­lenger Vice Pres­i­dent Andrew Chal­lenger told Bloomberg in a state­ment, refer­ring to what we can only con­clude is the con­struc­tion of a Galt’s Gulch-style ultra-cap­i­tal­ist “utopia” in the dark­est depths of the ocean, sur­round­ing an oasis in the deep­est reach­es of the desert, or per­haps even at the LaGrange point between the Earth and the Moon. “New tech­nolo­gies are chang­ing the way peo­ple work and often make work­places more effi­cient.”

Chal­lenger added, “In addi­tion to poten­tial staffing changes, there may be dif­fer­ences with­in the lead­er­ship and board ranks regard­ing exact­ly which path a com­pa­ny will take” (such as whether they will relo­cate to a hid­den canyon or secret jun­gle island).

Challenger’s report states that such a high rate of tech CEO turnover hasn’t hap­pened since 2006, when 163 tech CEOs left their com­pa­nies to found a sea-steading soci­ety that has since implod­ed from class unrest.

Less fun: The report states that tech com­pa­nies have cut around 63,447 jobs this year. That’s up almost 380 per­cent over the same peri­od last year, with only a small num­ber of those jobs like­ly to be replaced by invite-only roles in the inden­tured servi­tude, human exper­i­men­ta­tion, total­i­tar­i­an sur­veil­lance, and pri­vate mer­ce­nary sec­tors in the new state. Notable CEOs that have depart­ed this year who pose a chance of rul­ing over the ash­es of the sep­a­ratist enclave fol­low­ing its inevitable col­lapse include for­mer Juul CEO Kevin Burns, for­mer Alpha­bet CEO Lar­ry Page and for­mer pres­i­dent Sergey Brin, for­mer WeWork CEO Adam Neu­mann, for­mer Insta­gram CEO Kevin Sys­trom, and for­mer What­sApp CEO Jan Koum, among oth­ers.

As of press time, the sound of explo­sions could be heard some­where in the waters off of French Poly­ne­sia.

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